i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
