According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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