Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
