dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
