btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
