my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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