sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
