you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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