hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize