i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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