I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
