yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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