your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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