You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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