lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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