I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
