Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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