Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
