He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
