I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
