Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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