dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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