Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
