dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
