it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
