Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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