If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
