Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
