WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
