this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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