May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
