Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
