i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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