I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize