reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
