Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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