Plan B is the new Plan A
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
