Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
