You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
