I look better un-naked...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
