Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
