Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize