so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
