Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
