Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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