My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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