break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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