he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
