you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
