4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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