when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
