dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
