need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
