he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
