i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
