sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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