Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
