farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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