Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
