The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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