Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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