are you still at the devil's house?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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