thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize