i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
