Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
