Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize