Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize