therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
