So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Holy sore nipples Batman
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
