Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
