i would punch a child for taco bell
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize