drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
