Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
