I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
