It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize