I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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