I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize