her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
