elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
