i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
