We won't sleep together?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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