i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
