This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
