I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
