Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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