that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
