apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
