she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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