last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
