I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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