I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
