I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
