Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
