my shit smells like andre
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
