Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize