You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
