I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
