I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he thought i was a dude.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
