i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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