I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I would fuck him just for his dog
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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