My underwear smells like fireworks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
