3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
