Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
